Monday, September 8, 2014

Maternal Intuition

So many people talk about how mothers know their baby better than anyone else.  They know their smell, their sounds, their facial expressions, their moods, and so much more.  Interestingly, so many mothers, and fathers, still do not trust their intuition when it comes to their baby.

During most of a woman's life, they are told to ignore their intuition.  They are told that most of their instincts are caused by hormones or their menstrual cycle.  They are told that if something doesn't feel right to them they should "stop being such a girl,"  or other such phrases.  However, all people have very strong instincts that tell them when something feels right or wrong.

During pregnancy or before an adoption, mothers, and fathers too, read every parenting book they can get their hands on.  They read all of the required blog posts and educational resources about child care.  They worry about everything from what they should purchase such as the kind of diapers , shampoo, swaddle blankets, car seat, stroller and so much more.  They worry that they will hold the baby too much, or spoil the baby, or that they won't know how to sooth a crying baby.  They worry that they won't be able to keep this baby alive or set it on the correct path to be the best person the baby can be when they grow up.

When a woman becomes a mother, after giving birth or through adoption, their bodies take over and know what their baby needs.  The baby speaks to them even if they cannot use words.  They cry, make distressing noises, or they smile, laugh, coo.  If left to their own devises, parents would do exactly what they need to do to care for the baby.  They would hear the small voice inside their head that says "pick up the baby" or "she's too hot" or "he seems uncomfortable."  Instead, so many times, parents ignore their intuition and try and follow all of the advise they received or the books they read.

The problem with this approach is that no one knows your baby as well as you do.  So much of that advise conflicts with each other.  Some examples are:  "Don't hold your baby too much, you'll spoil it." vs. "Babies aren't fruit, you cannot spoil a newborn."; "Put your baby on a schedule and train your baby." vs. "Let your baby lead you and feed your baby on demand and allow them to sleep when they need to sleep."; "Your baby is fussy, it must have colic or not enough milk." vs.  "Your baby is fussing and needs you." In addition, so much of the advice is out dated or not based on evidence based research.  Some examples of this are adding rice cereal to a bottle to help the baby sleep, putting the baby on a schedule, not holding the baby "too much." Instead, you need to listen to what your heart and mind is saying works best for you and your child as you embark on your new relationship as family.

For the first few weeks of life, at least, you are with the baby pretty close to all the time.  You memorize all of their looks and sounds and movements even if you're not trying to do so. You learn pretty early to determine the needs of your baby.  If left to your own devises, you would just learn the dance of caring for your new baby.  You listen to that voice that says, "The baby is talking to you.  What does he/she need?" 

New parents need support in their new journey into family life.  They need someone to tell them to listen to their intuition; to follow their heart and embrace the joys of parenting.  They need support to learn to adjust to their new life as a family through nonjudgmental care.  They need to focus their time on learning and bonding.  The best support available allows you to be with your child or children without having to worry about cooking, cleaning, and the other tasks that are not about your family.  With this support, you and your new family will have the best start in this wonderful world.

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